This is a touchy subject for my family. I have a non-traditional upbringing than most.
My parents separated when I was young, about 5. This came after an overseas move from England to New York City. So a lot was changing. My mother is American and my father is British, I was used to family being very separated. And back then in the 80's we didn't have FaceTime, lol. I heard about, this family member and that family member... but at that age, the only thing we remember and cling onto is visceral memories and tangible moments.
So for me I'm used to family spread all over the world. But my ex was very into family being close, hence why we moved up to Maine. To be closer to his family. And I was happy to! I wanted to be closer to a family unite. I wanted my kids to be able to see their grandparents regularly.
At first it was nice. My ex had a lot of nieces and one nephew. And it felt nice to be apart of a family circle so close. But even that can break apart.
I bring this up because, family support doesn't have to mean blood family. If you were like me and had a different, untraditional upbringing, then a family was what you made out of the people that are there of you.
And through this transition, I have seen the people that stand next to me and are just there for me to let out my emotions. The ones that let me cry on their shoulder. The ones that let me complain about everything (I really gotta get some good Christmas presents for them this year, HAHA!)
My point is....If you feel alone going through single mom hood, make your own tribe. Make your own village. You'd be surprised at how much that makes a difference for you. Even the simplicity of someone checking in with you. Talking things out.
This time will pass, as I tell myself often. But our minds are very powerful. And if you think nah, Im f-ed! Then you will be. It took sooooo long for me to change my mindset. But family is what you make it. Blood or not. And if you do have family support, that's awesome (don't get me wrong my family supported me from a far, but it's not the same) Especially for kids. I hate that my kids barely know their cousins.
But no matter what situation you are in, whether your family is horrible or abusive, or great.... WE have the choice to make our own decisions on what we want for our children and ourselves.
With or without family support, if you allow it....you can make your own circle. And I've had to let myself not be so stubborn and do just that. Family or chosen family can be a big help. Lean on them if they offer it.
And if neither is possible, well there's a bunch of us single mom's out there doing the same thing and will let you vent, cry, yell, whatever it may be. But remember it's your choice always. You make your path and your "family".
Love you Mamas! I see you, I feel you!
