When I first started therapy, my therapist asked me...."What are you hoping to get out of therapy, what are your goals?" The first thing that came out was...NOT letting my ex's words and dagger stares get to me! I wanted to learn the skills to brush off his anger and be able to forget it. Not sobbing as I drive away OR fuming mad with almost every interaction.
I stay strong in front of him, and stopped responding to his comments. That actually has lessoned it to be honest. I think when he doesn't get a rise out of me, it's not satisfying to him.
But still...A year and a half later, I'm still bothered by how he talks to me. Granted I don't cry quite as much as I did in the beginning, but I still do sometimes. Driving down the road to the house our kids have grown up in, I get mini panic attacks every time. . Sadness/anxiety are already there upon arrival. So it doesn't take much for him to effect me. And he knows what to say.
So how do you change that? Because you can't always change others, you CAN change yourself. So that's my goal, my new attitude. Going in with the mindset that he does not get to control my emotions any longer. Some days it works, and some it doesn't. It's work. But it's worth it work.
Have you struggled with this too?
