Driving down the highway, and approaching the exit that leads to the home I thought I'd never leave, is when my heart starts to beat faster. And not in a good way. I take the exit and take a deep breath, make my turn and head in the direction of the house I used to live in. The house I started a family in. The house traditions were started. The house my ex now lives in, and I do not.
As I approach the next turn getting closer to my old street, my anxiety sets in. I start making noises that sound like when you're trying to think of something but can't. "AAAAAAA" Deep breath again.
I turn onto the street and it's not far now. I start tapping my hand on the steering wheel incessantly. My heart racing even faster. I pass all my lovely neighbours houses and all I can think of is memories of my former life on this road. Pulling the wagon, with both kids in tow, to my friends house down the road. Where we would watch the kids play as we gabbed and complained. (Those are the things I miss)
But, that only adds to my anxiety and sadness as I approach the house. I drive slowly past the property. Every memory flashes in my head like an ephemeral slideshow, about 100 memories within the 20 seconds it takes me to pull in the driveway.
I sit in the car for a moment and take another deep breath. I never know what mood he will be in. So I prepare. I open the door and our brief 5 min encounter ensues. And no matter how it went, whether it was fine or explosive, I always leave there trying to choke back tears.
Does any one else feel this way? And if you do, when does it go away?